In a culture that celebrates hustle & constant forward motion, the word soft can sound like a flaw. Many of us arrive on the mat carrying years of survival driven striving, pushing harder, stretching further, performing strength instead of feeling it. In trauma informed yoga, we learn a different truth. 

Softening is not giving up 

Softening is coming home 

Softening is strength 

Striving The Survival Mode We Don’t Always Recognise  

Trauma doesn’t always look like collapse. Often it looks like relentless effort. Striving can become a shield ~ an armor we wear to feel in control. It shows up as: 

• Overworking or over performing on the mat 

• Forcing the body into shapes it’s not ready for 

• Feeling unsafe when slowing down 

• Confusing stillness with stagnation 

Our bodies remember what it felt like to be powerless, so we grip, hold, contract & push. In trauma informed yoga, we gently ask what would happen if you didn’t have to try so hard right now? 

Softening As A Radical Act Of Self Trust 

Softening is not weakness. It is permission. It is the body whispering, I want to feel, not perform. In practice, softening might look like: 

• Choosing the variation that supports your nervous system. 

• Allowing your breath to be natural instead of controlled. 

• Resting when your inner critic says “keep going”. 

• Allowing emotions to surface without fixing them. 

•  Meeting yourself where you are, not where you think “you should be”. 

Softening teaches us that safety isn’t found in perfect poses but in the ability to listen inwards. 

The Physiology Of Softening 

Trauma informed yoga recognises that softening is physiological, not just emotional. When we release effort: 

• The vagus nerve  engages 

• Heart rate slows 

• Muscles unguard 

• The mind becomes less reactive 

• The body moves from fight/flight toward rest/digest 

Striving is a sympathetic nervous system habit. Softening is a parasympathetic invitation. 

One is survival 

The other is healing. 

Softening As Strength 

Those who have survived trauma often equate softness with danger. Allowing ourselves to soften takes courage. It asks us to trust the present moment. To trust ourselves. 

Strength isn’t the shape you hold for the longest. Strength is the moment you notice you’re bracing & you choose something different. 

A Practice: Softening Instead Of Striving 

Try this simple trauma informedexploration next time you practice. 

1. Pause in any shape & notice where you are gripping. 

2. Ask Is this effort serving me or is it a habit? 

3. Release 10% of the effort – not all, just a little. 

4. Allow the breath to soften naturally. 

5. Feel the difference between collapse & ease. 

Softening doesn’t mean falling apart. It means unarmoring. 

The New Striving 

What if striving wasn’t about going harder, but about going inward? What if our most courageous work was learning to soften the places we’ve held tight for years? 

In trauma informed yoga, softening becomes a form of reclamation. A way to tell the body you no longer have to fight for your right to be here. You already belong. 

Softening is the new striving  

Not because we’ve stopped growing 

But because we’ve stopped needing to prove it. 

So today perhaps take a moment to soften 

Not to collapse in a heap, 

But to gently begin to return home to yourself. 

With fierce softness 

Rebel